i barfeds in our rink
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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