just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
