You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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