We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
