i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My dick has a subreddit
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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