omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
