Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
