Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
