I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
