Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize