i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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