He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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