This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
