I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize