We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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