I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
