literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i think im in europe. pls send help
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
