some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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