dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just invented taco cereal.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
