I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
