i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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