please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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