You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
