if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
