There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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