i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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