I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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