I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
