id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
