I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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