youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
