So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
