At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
This house was built for laser tag.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
