very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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