Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
