Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
