This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
