Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
