My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
