Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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