goodnight i made you a song goodbye
even my farts smell like vagina
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
