like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
