I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
