After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
