the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
