I haven't been this sober since birth.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
