lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i drank out of a bidet.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
