ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
