How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
