At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
