dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
