i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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