guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
