fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
