Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
