last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
