Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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