Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
