i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
