Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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