god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
