So drunk its hurt
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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