I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
