My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
