at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
