I am in a vortex of obligation.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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