You can't motorboat a personality
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
