I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
