Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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